journey's end.

My South Pacific adventure is officially coming to an end... as the sun sets behind me I fly over the ocean -headed for a new chapter in life.

Throughout my time in Melbourne -I had the opportunity to meet with beyond blue -Australia's national depression initiative as well as the Dax Cunningham collection -a psychiatric art gallery -1 of only a handful around the world. Both meetings reinforced my passion to pursue art -not necessarily as a therapist, but as an artist -focused on celebration of spirit versus diagnosis of illness.

I am sincerely overcome with emotion as I reflect on where life has taken me/the extraordinary path I am on. My spirit is overwhelmed by the incredible puzzle/inspired to keep searching for missing pieces/motivated to leave no stone unturned. My heart encourages me to travel/learn about other cultures/unite hearts and minds through the universal voice of art.

dive deep.

Officially certified -open water PADI via Pro Dive Cairns. It was amazing/indescribable -5 day learn to dive trip -3 days on a liveaboard boat and 2 days of training in the pool/classroom. Highlights included green turtle sightings/swimming along side a reef shark/finding nemo/and my awesome dive buddy Stacy.

Next stop Melbourne.

free falling.

Living in the moment -having faith versus fear.

I am officially 37 days into my south pacific 08 adventure. After leaving the Global Volunteer Vaka in Rarotonga -I headed off for a different voyage with over 20 youngins in NZ. We ventured up to the Bay of Islands where I managed to reel in 3 snappers, then on the Rotorua -experienced black water rafting abound with glow worms/incredible sites/crazy cold waterfalls... then to cap it off we spent the night at the local bar -Curlys with our tour guides -jed clampett and megan. Earlier that day -I bought some paper cups from a chinese dollar store. Needless to say -making it around the world (a beer challenge at the pub) was made a little easier by the infamous American past time.

Next stop was Waitomo, then Taupo where I bungeed 150 feet! Now I'm in Cairns -awaiting yet another Contiki trip/diving at the Great Barrier. Sign me up:)

*
why live life on the edge when you can jump off?
-taupo, NZ

vaka 106.

Vaka 106 journeys on.
Aside from the 2am wake up call (thanks to the Tahitians) -this morning began like any other: with the sun rising/the waves crashing/stray dogs wandering/carmel and stripey roaming...

Following breakfast and a limerick by resident poet Doug -the team paddled in different directions to the various work sites. Later in the day, we gathered together at club 21 for 1 last happy hour with the fabulous 15. Hosts John and Nellann along with JoAnne and Karl concocted the tiki liki miki kiikii punch as Q entertained us with a slideshow. Post happy hour -it was on to a dinner celebration in honor of our work with Pauline and Harry Napa inviting us in/thanking us for our efforts.

I honestly tried to pay close attention to what was going on because I knew I would have to come up with something profound at the end of the day. Ultimately I had no luck because I realized that documenting a trip such as this is virtually impossible or as Jane would say -maybe it would just take longer?

In short -the amazing beauty/power of our work here in the Cook Islands stems from the spirit of its people. As Vaka 106 ventures off in different directions -whether you find yourself in a single/on a sprint/paddling in unison with 14 others/or on a long-distance trek -remember to focus on the journey and not the destination/respect the water and roll with the waves.

Kia Orana -may you live on.

oysters colliding.

Standing on a rock in the ocean -praying for my next step to appear, but content with where God has me.

I feel like I am standing in the ocean -with rocks popping up -forming a path. I have no idea when the next one will come up from the depths or where it will lead me, but I have faith in knowing that there is a plan. My job right now is to listen/observe/reflect on the past 28 years and know that this 2-month hiatus from status quo life is an opportunity for me to do just that. I have to find a way to strategically move forward/earn the credibility needed to shake things up/force perspective.

The trauma I experienced in San Francisco over 2 years ago and the work I have done with the University of Michigan since then opened doors to worlds unknown. I can sincerely say that I am a survivor/proud to have come this far -emotionally/mentally/spiritually and most recently geographically...

I am almost 3 weeks into my “hiatus” -smack dab in the South Pacific -west of Tahiti and north of New Zealand in Rarotonga -seat of government for the Cook Islands (15 in total), which were named after explorer Captain James Cook in 1773. My work with Global Volunteers began only a week ago. Since then I have worked with a number of kids -preschool to age 13 -reading/tutoring/playing soccer/swimming/paddling. Eliza taught me peekachu, Fin loves educational books, and sam walks around with paint on his face.

I have also had the opportunity to work with Mereana -who is essentially the one and only psychiatric nurse on the island. There is a lot of potential and at this point -I can see myself returning to Rarotonga to develop a relationship with Mereana and promote a better understanding regarding mental healthcare. The worlds of volunteer work/mental health advocacy/travel have officially collided.

*
The world is your oyster.
-dad

puzzle pieces.

My trip to Oregon/the experience with Kevin Rea and his sincere passion to bring people together/promote resilience has not only inspired me, but reinforced my purpose. This week exposed me to another dimension –I learned to truly appreciate the power of destiny.

A higher force is at work here and throughout it all –I feel my dad behind the scenes. He is moving mountains and helping me to understand who it is I can be and how I can be of service in a way he never could.

beauty

The magic of the moon communicates with the beauty of spirit.
Chaotic evolution connects me to the sounds of the universe -exposing me to eternal beauty/heaven here on earth. Harmony, tempo, rhythm, method to madness -guides me through the struggle and allows me to come back to the core. Returning to myself/becoming who I already am is my journey. The constant quest requires grace and blind faith.
***
Music is all around us -all you have to do is listen.
What do you want to be? Found.
-august rush

wackness

The bottom line is loyalty.
YANG-YING; MALE-FEMALE; EVIL-GOOD; BLACK-WHITE; WACKNESS-DOPENESS. This film definitely offered food for thought regarding broken hearts, mental health/medication, true character, direction in life, image, marriage, relationships, love, and then some. In the end, it seems that the message to me was to continue to look for my reflection in muddy waters.
***
Embrace your pain; make it a part of you. The unexamined life is not worth living.
www.sonyclassics.com/thewackness

note

In touch.
Part of a note I wrote to someone I last spoke with over 10 years ago...
This chaos we call life can be so amazing when things are flying. The eagle within us has such power as does the bear. She is the one that pulls at my spirit -causing anxiety and forcing me back into a cave of doubt and sheer hopelessness.
The important thing is to hold on -shut my eyes, cry my tears, but always hold on. At least that is what I have learned. You are right -we haven't had a chance to develop a friendship in the traditional way, but in the grand scheme of things -what really matters is that we are in touch now. As for my abilities and compassion -thank you! I constantly question my abilities and at times -I feel that my compassion tends to lead me down destructive paths. All the same -I am learning and the rewards (although often disguised) will somehow justify the pain I feel and ultimately strengthen whomever it is I turn out to be.

heart

In search of a dream.
To say that what I feel at times is overwhelming is an understatement. Without exaggeration -I often sense as if I can glimpse the true nature of something greater/a force beyond the here and now. The glimpse/a window into the infinite allows me to: understand the power of my passion; feel the depth of my emotional spectrum; seek my purpose; and it blesses me with the need to reach out to broken spirits.
I accept both the benefits and risks to having this awareness- namely the risks related to my vulnerability regarding relationships. The greater my compassion, the more sensitive I become. It is an internal struggle and it perpetuates a fear that my love will be misinterpreted, unguided, and/or taken for granted...
I do believe that God puts people in my path for a reason -some stick and some don't. Those who stick -impact me in a number of ways and despite the hurt involved -I have faith that the lessons learned are worth my struggle. I have been inexplicably linked to/spiritually connected with a handful of people, yet most of them are no longer in my life. These spirits pop in for a few days/weeks/months/rarely years to teach me more about myself and the true nature of the way this life works.
It has been an honor to live a life filled with so many blessings/to have a heart so open. One thing is for sure -my heart's search is not over and I hope it never is. After all -this life is definitely more about the journey than the destination.
***
Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream. -paulo coelho
Wherever you go, go with all your heart. -confucius
My mind tells me to give up, but my heart won't let me. -unknown

core

My family is my core and I am their promise.
A true legacy lies not in what we leave behind, but who. Knowing that I am my family's voice is a powerful concept to grasp. Every life lived has strengthened and continues to impact my foundation.

integrity

Be true to myself.
What does it mean to be completely honest with me? Not to question or doubt what it is I'm feeling, but to give it value. Living with honor sounds ultra noble and a little daunting, but I am willing to take on the challenge and I know that deep down this "code" protects my self worth/encourages me to seek those who cherish my spirit. In my mind -honesty should be the foundation to every relationship. Whether it be a long-time friend or someone I just met and happen to have an intimate connection with -honesty should remain a priority. The truth can hurt and at times -the bold truth scares people away. I definitely know this for a fact and despite this harsh understanding of reality -I continue to say what I need to say.
At the end of the day -I know my heart will guide me/the truth will direct me to wherever it is I am supposed to be and to whomever it is I will ultimately be with. I have yet to see or meet both the place and him, but when that time comes -I will be at peace in knowing that my honor determines my destiny.
***
If you live with integrity -you will never have regrets and if there are missteps -treat it like a dance. Fall out of step, then get back into it. Keep dancing with honor. -inspired by dodghi
To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man (or woman). -william shakespeare, hamlet
Even if your hands are shakin' and your faith is broken. Even as the eyes are closin'. Do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say. -john mayer

insight

Gaining insight is a process, of which judgement is not a part.
I try to walk through this life with an open mind -without running to my next "destination" and making a point to stop every now and then. I want to sincerely understand the chaos I encounter. Ironically enough -the chaos has managed to bring me a sense of peace/a clarity in purpose.
***
The sage seeks insight from chaos and doubt NOT making distinctions, but dwelling on that which is unchanging is called clear vision. -Chuang Tsu

surrender

Surrender yourself to the bigger picture.
Many times -I equate my journey to "staying afloat". When I think I have caught a piece of drift wood -from which I can start building my boat. Piece by piece -I build and then another wave crashes into me. So what keeps me floating? Upon reflection, I would say that the bigger picture/my faith is what sustains me.
***
Relinquish if you really want to release. -bear heart
Let go and let God. -anonymous

grace

Letting go is the part of grace that really sucks.
The past 2 years have been a series of lessons in a course I call "letting go". The course is for an advanced degree in stephism and I believe the final exam was this past week when I realized the following: marking the traditional milestones minus withdrawals from school and problems with relationships would have been the easier route, but then I would not be where I am at today –completely secure in knowing that this is my path.
***
The world is full of magic; make a wish, do you have it? Good –now believe in it, place it in your heart. You never know when a miracle will happen or when your dreams will come true. -inspired by "one tree hill" characters.